Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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