Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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