On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need a beard to bite.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize