final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
