Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
