You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
