Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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