I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
