i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
