I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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