his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
