So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my liver is dry heaving
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
