I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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