guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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