i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pants are for mortals
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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