We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
