just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize