I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
