The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
