I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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