Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize