Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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