she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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