i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
