i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
