I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
