I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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