I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
