I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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