exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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