I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
