ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
