It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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