I just saw a hot homeless man
im drinking this country out of the recession.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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