Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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