he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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