I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
