You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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