What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you will always have a special place in my vag
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
