Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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