i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
