I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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