I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
