my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
