Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
