I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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