I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
