hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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