my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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