the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
