I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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