I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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