Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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