You work out of a Hotel?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dear god my vagina.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
