at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
