i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
organizing the empties. That sober.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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