I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I did not marry a roomba.
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