Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just tell him i said nine months
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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