I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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