I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
