i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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