im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
