I wish life had little blips of pornography
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
