the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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