Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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