All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
