We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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