I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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