When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
