remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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