You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
