Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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