She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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